Day 1,399 of being a mom

I went in to wake Oliver up for school this morning, but instead I laid with him. He curled up next to me, his head on my chest, arms around my waist. I took a deep breath in and relaxed. But it only took a few minutes for my mind to race.

What do I have to do at work?

Did I pack lunches?

When will my husband be home tonight?

How much longer could I lay here before we are late?

I then started thinking about how I am always with the boys but I am not really.

“Mommy look at this cool thing”

“Yeah cool honey” I answer without looking up from the dishes I am putting a way.

This is my routine. I am not engaging with my boys. I am worrying too much about work, lunches, chores, bills etc. I am running all the time. And when I do try to relax and take a moment, my mind does not allow me. I try to count to ten. I try to breath but relaxing is not coming easy. Oh how I want to play with my boys. Oh how I want to just lay down and read with them or watch a movie or talk with them.Or just engage with them.  I am going and worrying and thinking so much. I am also yelling and disciplining and cleaning after.

I just need to relax.

You know those articles that tell you to just stop and enjoy the little things, that kids grow up too quickly. Yeah. They are true. Relax. Take it in. Some stuff can wait…..

I am trying…